Things are still going good, though not as quite. I might hold off on getting the new car, because business is getting slow. I'm not getting as many runs as I used to, and therefor less tips than I used to... I don't want to start having more bills, especially if I won't be able to pay them.
I'm going to have Dad test drive my car tomorrow, talk about it with him. Then I'll see how Friday night goes, and decide on Saturday.
Even still, things are pretty good... yet somehow, I just want to hold my pillow and cry.
Will it ever get any easier than this? I mean.. emotionally...
God.. I really really hope so.

I was thinking the other day about how I'm going to outlive my dad and then I'll be the last left in our little family. I'll have no one... really really have no one, at least no relatives. It scares the hell out of me, and I don't know that I'll be able to make it through that. I burried my brother and my mother... I can't imagine my father. I don't want to write another speech about how great someone I love "was" and I don't want to carry another coffin carrying a piece of my soul.
I would be a pall bearer, too. I would, it is what I've always done. I hope he has many years left, because I don't think I'll be able to live without him...

I'm so sick and tired of everyone leaving... not him too.
I feel so old, so worn out, and so very tired..