Okay, I'm making a vow to myself. No matter HOW GOOD an idea seems at the time, if I am on ANY sort of medication or drug that might possibly alter my thinking I'm NOT going to do it until I'm entirely sober. I keep taking ambien to help me sleep and convincing myself that I can think just fine and doing stupid things. Not dangerous things.. .just stupid. I e-mailed Mandie, and remembered to my horror in the morning what I had said. I'm 99% sure that Mandie doesn't read this.. so I'll just say that I went into her e-mail and deleted it. I swear I didn't look at anything.. I was only logged on for a total of maybe 45 seconds. I decided to delete it on the way to my dad's house, so I got him to bring his laptop out. I was running late for work so I just logged on, spotted it, deleted it, emptied it out of the recycle bin and then logged out. I know Ross, I know. It was bad.. you shouldn't log into someone else's e-mail. But I would've been so mortified if she had read it.. I'm not like myself when I take ambien.. I start acting like a little kid. It was a REALLY embarassing e-mail.
I start talking to Mark a lot.. that's an example of the kind of decisions I make.
So I'm taking tylenol PM tonight, hope that will help me get to sleep.