It's nights like this that threaten to break down what progress I have made.. I feel depressed and all I want is someone comforting to be with me.
I was sitting at work, listening to harry potter, and thinking about the nights I spent laying in Mandie's bed.
I remember, after I did shrooms, when I was really upset coming down.. I thought about calling Mandie because her bed, with her, was my instinctive safe place.
I went to my room and curled up with my comforter crying... because that was the secondary safe place, another spot I had spent a lot of time with her.
But dwelling on these thoughts only makes it harder, I've seen this so much with other people and now comes the time when I must follow my own advice. You can't keep putting yourself through the mental torture, dragging yourself back to places you'll never be again. The past cannot be repeated, and living in it only makes life harder. I have to put all that behind me and work on.. I can't spend time wondering what she's doing or why she didn't reply.
I try to keep myself busy.. it helps.
I'll feel better when my foot stops hurting so much... work is quite painful right now.
But God.. I'd kill to not be alone right now..