I saw Ross again and that was nice.
I had a good day, I really can't complain. I think that I truly do belong on medication... because no matter how good my day goes... I feel depressed in the end. I don't know if that's a reaction to my fears about my future.... about whether or not I'm ever going to succeed... or if it's just generalized anxiety.
School started again, and it occurred to me for the first time that Mandie... No. Stop. Stop those thoughts, stop all Mandie related thoughts.
That's what my therapist says to do with thoughts I shouldn't have... thoughts of anxiety and guilt. Just stop them and try to think about something else.
I had a lot of fun thinking about Damian today... in that way where I drift off in thought and just imagine. It's fun to imagine someone that is purely your own creation... you see in your head what they look like. Imagine their voice.. the way they would act. It's fun to get lost in my own head.
Sometimes I'll get in my car and just drift... drift very far away. When I get back to the store it actually feels like a different world... and I know what I'm doing. It's probably not healthy.. it's how I lived most of my childhood. Not being grounded in the here and now but wandering aimlessly and living in my own head. I actually prefer to be in my room, alone, with my computer...