stuff stuff and more stuff

I think this is what moving on is.. it's not that you stop caring about them and don't miss them at all. It's just that you can function and be mostly happy.. I think when you really love someone you'll always miss them a little. I'd like to try talking to her again.. to try reclaiming some sort of friendship.. but she already knows that. I'm going to wait, so that she contacts me when she's ready, if.

My manager actually sold me some of her pain pills tonight. I gave her $10 and she gave me a pretty large amount... half a bottle I think. I didn't want to offer before because I was afraid she'd feel like she was selling drugs or something.. I didn't want her to feel like shew as doing something wrong. This is medicine for when my head begins to pound for hours (like tonight) or when my back hurts. It's a legitimate reason.. I just have no insurance and doctor fear.

I have a real anger problem... I realized today in the shower that one of the main reasons it bothered me that Mandie never got mad was that that's how my fmaily communicated. It just felt wrong to be around someone, have a problem with them, and not have them yell at me.
Today in Wal-Mart was waiting on my glasses.. and I had work. I waited about 15 - 20 minutes, at which point I was definately going to be late (I'd called in ahead to warn them just in case). I was so furious because there was only one guy working and he was just taking his sweet time.. and there was still someone in front of me. Dad called out to me because he had happened to be in Wal-Mart too.. I ranted to him that the moron in the vision center was taking forever and I was already late for work. I asked him to get my glasses.. he said "Okay, but they usually like to adjust them." I said "I don't care what they want, I want my glasses!" I left quickly and angrily, because I knew I was losing my temper. On the way to my car I started shaking and then crying. I get so incredibly angry sometimes that I just cry... because I want to lash out and hurt them so bad and I can't. I'm just so furious and I can't control it.. I scream and cry and shake.. I don't know why I get angry like that. It's bad.. I need to work on it.