I watched Life as a House tonight.. and it was pretty good.
What got me.. was the scene where the son found out his father died, and crying he hugged his mother.
Is that what it's supposed to be like? I started crying because I suddenly felt like.. I've been living wrong or something.
That's how it's supposed to be right? You're supposed to cry and hug your family and talk about how much you miss them.
You're not supposed to stare at them, then walk away to the bed and lay down and stare at the ceiling. You're not supposed to stop talking, and just walk around, like a ghost... You're not supposed to go blank and just not feel anything.
But, it's how I've dealt with things all my life.. how could I possibly change now?
And.. it's too hard to feel, in this world. Mandie made me feel.. really feel. And now she's gone, and I don't want to feel anymore.
I want to be like I was before.. empty. Just a shell, going through the motions, not caring about anything.. I want that back.