she comes in and destroys it all

I called Deb and she's leaving school to come over, I told her I was upset and that Mandie had messaged me.. I won't cry in front of her, but I can do this.. I can be weak, I can trust. I'm so scared, but I have to try..
What do you do when everyone you love either dies or leaves? When your own mother tells you that you make her want to kill herself?
I know nothing about trust, about real trust. About being loved even when you're "bad."
I want to learn...
I don't think Ross would ever skip school so I wouldn't have be alone, plus I want to smoke. I want to make the pain stop for just a little while...