I think I had a flashback today... Dawn, one of my managers, quite often reminds me of my mother. The moods of being either really happy, childishly so, and then the sadness and frustration. The way she just becomes elated over little things.. Well today, she was having problems with bills. She was in her office crying, andI heard her say to someone on the phone "Well does it even matter if I get my electricity turned on? I won't have a house anymore!!" She was upset cause she didn't have enough money to pay both, and it really reminded me of my mother. She came out and set my bank down adn said it was mine and I just locked up with fear. I had a question, but I was too terrified to ask her. It's like how my mother used to be.. when she'd get sad she'd start yelling at me. I heard my mother in my head saying "You're a big girl, you should be smart enough to know how many buckets of sauce to prep! What's wrong with you? Don't act so fucking helpless." That's the kind of thing my mother would say, and she would yell it at me. Then I'd start crying and she'd yell at me even more.. I was so terrified of Dawn doing that, even though I knew she's not my mother and she wouldn't.. So I just stood there too scared to even more for about 5 minutes before it passed..
It was so weird, but then I promptly stopped thinking about it and got mad at my dad.. I think I was partly angry at him and partly moving my anger and fear from that association to a new, safer one.