I'm sitting here listening to Whiskey Lullaby and crying.. I want to curse Mandie for ever introducing me to this song.
Last night I was driving around and had a random thought of her. I've been doing pretty good about not thinking about her, so it's okay.
I was wondering.. if she ever thinks of me. I wonder if she's ever just sitting there and looking at something and then suddenly she has this random memory of some time we were out driving or horseback riding or something.. I dunno.
I've been really depressed lately, it sucks. The more scared and depressed I get, the more she surfaces.. memories of all those nights laying in her bed talking until like 5am. I remember we would go "Ugh.. it's 4 AM.. we should go to sleep now... soon.." and then we'd stay up until like 7 AM.
But don't worry, it's not painful remembering.
The song and my life are all that are making me cry...
I try so hard to take care of the people around me, I wish that just once when I'm screaming for help someone would come to me.
Okay, so my scream is a little more subtle than a real scream.. more like little things here and there. Asking Deb to come on my route with me, asking people to stay on the phone with me.
It's the best I can do, I don't know how to ask for help.